Tag Archives: beauty

Your Last First – Choosing New Life and Beauty

Posted on by under Adventures, Discovery, Time

When is the last time you did something for the first time?

Today?

Yesterday?

Last week?

Ten years ago?

Thirty years ago?

After church today, I began reminiscing about the months I spent living overseas in Cairo, Egypt about thirty years ago. Many firsts I encountered in Egypt popped to mind as I recalled some of the unusual events.

Eating a juicy ripe mango

Experiencing an earthquake

Living on an island in a river

Daily marriage proposals including camels

Learning a new language

Handling foreign currency

Placing international phone calls

Snorkeling

Making flour tortillas from scratch

International banking

Buying groceries daily

Climbing in and through a pyramid

Haggling with merchants in a marketplace

Asking for pasta sauce and getting ketchup instead

Seeing guards with machetes on every street corner

Buying meat from a butcher

This reminiscing led to me to think about my more recent “firsts.” I share these firsts to reveal and foster my gratitude for the things God is doing in my life, to celebrate new adventures in the beautiful creation He provides, to reflect my yearning to never stop learning & growing, and to embrace the birthplaces of new hope, joy and love in my life.

A few of my more recent firsts, which in full disclosure, include a few done after a long hiatus…

Kayaking downstream in the American River

Off anti-depressants for the first time in nearly ten years

Shore Bluffs in Wilder Ranch State Park

Biking along the shore bluffs in Santa Cruz

Boogie boarding for the first time in nearly forty years

Overnight stays at Disneyland Hotel

Sunflower ride in the Dixon area with friends

Rode nearly 1300 miles and climbed 19K feet on my bike this year

Indian meal enjoyed after cooking it!

Cooking class at Yankee Hill Winery

Kayak backpacking trip coming up this weekend in Lake Tahoe

I admit it feels a bit silly at the age of 50-something to be recalling and celebrating firsts in my life but it reminds me that each new day brings with it newness. New opportunities to trust God. New opportunities to love, show mercy, and to serve others. New opportunities to try something and fail. To open doors and windows to bring joy, laughter, and love to this broken world – all without hopefully breaking anything else, especially if it’s not easily replaced or mended.

What’s something in your life that encourages you or others to choose love, new life, or to create beauty and to share it with others?

The Forgotten Ones

Posted on by under Discovery, Necessity, Parenting, Survival 
She doesn’t remember
She doesn’t remember when she first swallowed
She doesn’t remember when she swallowed the first stone 
But now she remembers they are there

She wonders about the forgotten ones
She remembers – feeling unheard and unseen
She remembers – hearing there’s nothing to fear
Yet quaking where she lay
She remembers – mean names called
No friends standing by 
She remembers – he said no to her 
But yes to her locker partner

The names
The ones pushed down
The forgotten ones
The unkind, hurtful names 
Four eyes 
Moose 
And more
But the worst of all… 

The teacher 
Sister to a parent’s classmate 
Play on a last name, Ryan – O
Rhino!
The teacher laughed 
Classmates joined in 
No one saw the shattered face

The disappointments
The harsh critique 
The uninterested dismissal
The laughing scoffs

The stuttering
Stumbling words 
Echo again in Spanish…

Her nervous, trembling lips 
Words stuttered
Spanish teacher’s mocking tone
Her derision to the stumble, fall
A bloody, scraped knee

It – the forgotten one – swallowed
Tore roughly at her throat 
Sat hard
Grew heavy in her soul 
Her eyes burned 
She blinked back the tears

She heard a chorus echo 
Don’t cry or they win
So, another one sat
Hard, heavy, and unmoving

Riskier endeavors came
Revealing to a trusted few
Less name calling yet
Held at an arms’ length
Stories not believed

Labeled 
Too sensitive
Too emotional 
Thinks too much

Eventually
Her heart ached less 
Some pain processed 
But the forgotten ones… 
Sat, hard, heavy, unmoving

She froze in pain
How her heart 
Like the forgotten ones 
Unmoving turned to stone

She froze in pain
She wondered what gripped her 
And turned her mind inside out

The stones sat hard, grew heavy
Drained her soul
She swallowed stones 
Long after she stopped she believed

Then, Something broke wide open
Inside

Like geodes bust wide open
In a protective sack 
Struck with a mallet 
Beauty revealed 
Sparkling, translucent, mysterious

The forgotten ones 
Busted open wide 
But no protection 
Burn hot like lava 
Slide down the hillside
Cover all, burn more

Her instinct 
Run, scream, cry 
Pulse strong 
Overwhelm her senses 
Beauty yet to emerge

She wants 
Beauty to arise 
Without the searing pain 
Ripping her apart
But the first necessitates the second

The forgotten ones
The wounds long ago healed 
Open anew
Fire searing heat
Transforming 
Melting
Molding

The forgotten ones
Unearthed
Rumbling
Bursting forth
Smashed open
Searing pain
Fire to the soul

Beauty emerging 
In a molten heart

Whom shall she serve 
In her Welder’s name?